They’re Making a Movie Out Of What?: ‘Tetris’ The Movie Could Fall Into Theatres

Stop the presses: Threshold Entertainment has joined forces with the Tetris Company to produce a live-action movie of… Tetris. You may make puns regarding movie blockbusters now. With CEO...

Stop the presses: Threshold Entertainment has joined forces with the Tetris Company to produce a live-action movie of… Tetris. You may make puns regarding movie blockbusters now.

With CEO Larry Kasanoff at the helm of Threshold, we might have an idea of what he might deliver: He is best known for his film adaptations of Mortal Kombat (1995) and Mortal Kombat Annihilation (1997). Ridiculous as these movies were, they had decent box office grosses; according to Box Office Mojo, the first film grossed $70.4 million and the second nearly $36 million. Given the decade, these are not bad numbers, but then, you can expect mystery being a draw to theaters if for the question of how someone can make a movie out of Tetris. We’ve already been given Battleship, which I never had really recalled any alien armadas when I played. Instead, I was being a sneaky prick and moving my ships around the board as I logged my opponent’s guess history (shhh).

As of right now, no directors or cast have been attached to the film, but a writer at The Wrap has been willing to speculate a few directors that could make this work, such as, say, Francis Ford Coppola and David Fincher. The article also has many goofy edits of Tetris blocks slapped over the faces of movie stills, so you are free to take away that at least. The Verge has a collection of what could be with some fan-made contributions from years past and the press release in its entirety. Whatever will come of this, we know it’s going to be science-fiction. And “epic.”

It should be noted that Peter Berg, director of Battleship, admitted that the concept and money were “so big and powerful,” that they had a factor in how the film ended up a box office flop. Kasanoff could very well be on the same path; it can be argued that there is more story material in Mortal Kombat, what with the games giving us a basic background and brief biographies of each of the combatants, and Tetris is an indefinite supply falling Soviet blocks.

Another note: Threshold Entertainment had a hand in the $45 million disaster that was Foodfight! which anyone willing to blow away 90 minutes of their precious life can waste it here. While you’re dubiously entertaining yourself with generic brand Nazis and terrible food puns, you can puzzle over how they were able to get names such as Charlie Sheen, Hilary Duff, and Christopher Lloyd on board. Keep in mind that Kasanoff  himself directed this.

Even then, someone clever could do something interesting with the likes of Tetris. Imagine if Pixar was behind something like this; it’s risky, but could be more interesting than the financially “safe” and mediocre films, namely the Cars and Planes movies, they’ve been limping along with recently. Or we could have more explosions than even porn crafted just for Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay, which feels more likely.

The expectations for this are going to be running low and the news circles are already raising their eyebrows and groaning, but that could be just what Threshold Entertainment wants.

Image courtesy of Nintendo
Dyson P. is a your average Earthling making his way in the world. He often scribbles in his many sketchbooks, speculating on the intricate biology and lives of things that will never exist in his lifetime. He is an avid gamer of both the new and old, the latter which he spends as much time getting them to work as he does actually playing them. His aspirations include founding his own indie gaming studio featuring little represented protagonists and running in a marathon. His personal website with his doodles, writing and other peculiar things is under construction, but his blog, http://simurgh.dreamwidth.org/ is available for your perusal.
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